I feel on the verge of overwhelmed this afternoon. It’s not the amount of work, and the details, it’s the overload of personalities, and the handling of people. I really should go to Al-Anon meetings during this process, but I’m finding it impossible—or I’m just not prioritizing my “recovery” as I should. A crash of thunder outside the window. I have spent the morning planning an itinerary for Thure’s short visit next week, and it brings up how so much of directing is the imagination, or creation, of intimacy between people who don’t know each other. It’s like the glue of Ecstasy. There is this accelerated need for trust between people based on the needs of the project. Basically, what I’m saying is I’m nervous how everyone will get along, and actors make me nervous. I feel responsible for them more than I probably should. I also don’t use traditional rehearsals, and so I look for alternate ways to create history. I’ve just called my friend Esther to see if she’ll throw a dinner party. I wish mostly that I could cook. It would make a lot of things easier.
I need to find a drug specialist to teach Nick how to smoke crack. I need to find a dialogue coach to soften Thure’s accent. I need to find out if James Bidgood knew Avery Willard.